Well, as expected- Satan hasn't given up just yet. I came down with some sort of nasty flu and spent Sunday afternoon in the clinic waiting to be seen by the only doctor on duty. After just over an hour, I was seen. The doc asked what was wrong and I told him I had a sore throat- so bad I could barely swallow without tearing up and I'd been having headaches and fatigue all week. He took out a peice of cardboard about the size and shape of my palm. On it was drawn a picture of a person wearing a scarf. He went on to explain to me that I needed to be wearing a scarf (pointing at the scarf to show me what it was) after 6pm. (It's 80 degrees every day....) He then told me not to drink cold water or the infection would spread to my ears. He came around the table and looked at my throat with a dollar store flashlight- and then told me "You've got a sore throat". He perscribed an antibiotic I've never heard of- losenges I told him i didn't want because i had already bought them, pain killers I asked him not to perscribe because it was ibuprofen and I already have that too- and .... mint mouthwash.
I actually started laughing because I was thinking about the fact that this was possibly the dullest doctor I've ever encountered in my life but I don't think he enjoyed my snickering very much. He told me to find turtlenecks to wear... and I was on my way. I took Monday off but went to Kabanana on Tuesday. Maureen and Fanny took one look at me and said "oh.... oh .... why are you here?" Apparently I looked like a corpse walking.
The throat pain is not so bad now but I am left with a croupy cough and I'm still having the headaches and fatigue- but those might be just stress related.
It's the first of March. By this time, I had planned to have found my new house and moved in. By now I'd be painting walls and decorating and planting my garden. By now I'd be in Kabanana every day working on setting up the new room and tutoring and cooking for the kids. March was the month my boyfriend was supposed to be coming for FOUR WEEKS to help out with the work, visit, and figure out our future plans.
Instead I've been home from work for 3 days this week. I'm still living behind the Williamsons unable to plan for my new place because the future is in limbo. My boyfriend is not coming now- and instead of cooking and cleaning and preparing for his visit, I'm packing my bags and heading in the opposite direction.
This year has been full of trials. I have been told the pendulum of life swings this way sometimes and I just have to wait for it to swing back the other way. If you know me, I don't wait well. Every plan I've made for the year has crashed and burned before my eyes. I'm scared to write anything in my dayplanner now. I pray that the test results I get this month bring news of change. News that will allow me to breath and move forward rather than sit in the same place or even move back.
I pray that no matter what the results are- at least I'll be able to do what i need to do with the knowlege of what's going on. Right now I feel as though everything is in limbo. Everything's uncertain and it's hard to feel secure or fully happy when your mind gets to wondering.
In 7 days I'll be on a plane. This trip is going to change things for me in many ways... maybe every way. I pray God makes it clear what He is trying to say through all of this because right now I feel like that one kid in class who doesn't get it when everyone else seems to know what's going on. Open my eyes, Lord.