I shall not want.

Wow. It has been quite some time since I have blogged. Time keeps passing in this whirlwind of activity I tell myself I will update and then all of a sudden two weeks has gone by. I have been busy busy with the work here.

I am still regularly teaching Protasho and Patrick- they are doing so well, and are almost reading. Today Protasho spelled "apple" without any help! It can feel slow at times, but they are even communicating with me, or trying to, in english now. When we started "hello" was about all we could say to one another and now we are singing songs, playing games and reading books. They call me "Madam Mommy" (Mommy and Auntie are very respectful terms here) and once a week they buy me a fritter (which usually are covered in dirt and I can feel the sand gritting in my teeth when I eat them- I am sure they will be the death of me but I have yet to find it in my heart to say 'no thanks', so I muscle them down every week.)

Things with the other kids are going well. Teaching and tutoring can be tiring, especially with so many kids and so many different ages and ability levels, but I am soldiering on and praying for fruit. We have still had a few coming down with sickness here and there but thankfully nothing serious.

I am really looking forward to next week. A freind of mine, Daniela Ando, from when I was little and attending Albany Baptist Church is coming for the week to volunteer at a nearby clinic. I am really looking forward to having a girlfriend come and getting the opportunity to catch up and reconnect with the States.

I have been a bit down of late. I am really missing home and my family and freinds from the states. I don't have many close girlfriends here- whereas I was in a sea of gabbing girlfriends and sisters at home. I am more than grateful for the many freinds (who I honestly have to call family) God has blessed me with here- two in particular have really kept me happy and strong and smiling every day- they are the most wonderful people in my life and I would be lost without them.

It is a weird feeling I have. It's like an inner turmoil. I don't want to go back to the states. I know that's hard for my stateside family and friends to hear but I really and truly have found my home here in Zambia and I have no intention of leaving. I sometimes with I could just teleport back for just a week or two to see my family and kiss my neices and nephews and shop at walmart... the little things. I have plans to come home for Christmas but it's weird to think I have not seen my family and freinds for 7 months and won't see them for another eight months.

I really... really wish I could dance with my neice Cora or hear my Mom's "I am way too tired but I love my family" laugh and hug my sisters and my brother.... You really do not know what you had right at your fingertips until you live in a place where it's not possible to see them.

I think a mix of stress and work and anxiety about the future etc has got me in some sort of blue funk but luckily it usually only gets me for a few hours before I get a text or message from a freind here reminding me of the many blessings I've been given.

I keep getting asked how on earth I left a place and lifestyle like what I had before to come here and live how I am now and do what I am doing for no pay.

I love my work. I love these kids. I love that I spend 7 days a week thinking about them, planning for them, helping them, ministering to them ... living 7 days a week for 21 other poeple (not including my freinds and "family" here who I also live and breathe for) can be stressfull and exhausting and challenging and scary but I would not trade it for my old house and car and bank account for the world. I made my choice and God blessed it every step of the way, I know He won't stop now.

Psalm 73:26My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

My heart may be missing home, and my flesh may be tired and weary but HE is my stregnth and HE can never fail... therefore neither can I.